Feb 17-20th we are offerring free massage sessions to anyone who works or lives in San francisco who is a member of the Police or Fire Department, or works in Security or related fields. (and staff)

Just call 415-921-1290 to reserve your appointment (we are giving away only 25 free massages and they are almost all reserved!)

You can also go to www.DiamondWellness.com/freestuff.htm

Where is it? Forgive the clutter. This totally cool website will help you pinch the most amount of pennies at the pump:

http://www.SanFranGasPrices.com/

Nudity is most cost-efficient. But SOCIETY and its RULES mandate that the need for threads is not an option - though how you procure them is. How much new clothing can you get for $5 and a Trader Joe's bag of what your mom bought you at the mall?

You didn't hear this from me. Like all good San Franciscans known to drink and prowl the streets, I have been sworn to secrecy on 1) the location of these slides and, 2) exactly how much freakin' fun they truly are. Take yourself, your friends, and an oily pizza box to Douglas and Seward (yes, a schlep uphill near 20th Street) in Castro/Noe and slide the unmoderated, unexpurgated concrete steps at your own risk and to your heart's content. Map here: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Douglass+St.+%26+Seward+St.%2C+San+Francis...

Kidnap some tiny person aged 0-18 and you have access to a day full of free admission to some of SF's finest attractions - 35 museums, tours, ball parks, historical monuments, boats, etc. Free MUNI for kids most of the day, too. More details here: http://www.dcyf.org/content.aspx?id=2512

New England-style fish joint Woodhouse Fish, Market at 14th, has dollar oysters and $3 pints (mmm...$3 pints) every Tuesday from 4:00 on - usually until about 9:00. That's many, many hours in which to imbibe the cheapness. Split a clam roll with a pal and you're in business.

This event won't be far in the future for long. Check it: 100 tango dancers slappin' and tappin' beneath the Ferry Building's soaring architecture. Unsure if the usual array of free "samples" (aka "dinner") will also be on display, but it's worth investigating for the entertainment alone. 5:30 - 8:00pm.

The ultimate in cheapness is even finding a way to get the cheap stuff for free. For you, my bottom-feeding friend, we serve forth these excerpts from The Cheap Bastard's Guide to SF a la free. http://www.thecheapbastard.com/books/sanfranciso.html

(Note that this is the site from the New York Cheap Bastard who started it all. When you're on the east coast, but sure to sample his wares.)

OK, you don't have to thank me for this one. Rather than trying to awkwardly cop holiday-approprate wrapping paper from your favorite Hallmark shop under your trenchcoat, do this: Find any wrapping paper you can at any thrift store, and wrap your handmade and found prezzies with the paper inside out, leaving just a white, wrapped box for your decorating pleasure - markers, stickers, hog's blood, whatever your medium. Happy freakin' holidays, tightwads...

The Chowhounds know everything about food. Here's a great link on some amazing eatin' bargains Bay Area-wide. And thank you, Kungful, for your kind mention of CBGSF...

http://www.chowhound.com/topics/465237