Seriously. You can only take your out o' towners to stare at the tree in Union Square for so long. When they demand more tourist crap, here's where to take them for a good chuckle: Pier Freakin' 39. Put them “onstage” on the Magic Carpet Ride, a simulated journey through SF via video blue screen, and watch the playback for nada. Sure, your grandmother could buy the DVD for forty bones, but your five minutes of fame is free to make and view.